I had an angry parent growing up and I learned to hate and fear confrontation. You can probably imagine how I would never approach it in any effective manner. Confrontation and angry people take me right back to my childhood and I am intimidated. I want to defend myself or others but the fear grips me. I am small inside and lack any confidence of a good outcome. I would stand there and say or do stupid things. sometimes I would tremble and cry. Perhaps you have been there yourself.
It appears that I am holding myself in the same unforgiveness hostage situation. If I want to dump the bitterness and live life healthier, I have to reconcile myself too. I must get to the bottom of forgiving myself. Their must be a deeper understanding that the price Jesus paid is sufficient for them and for me and let it go. It is good to be in that place and be able to put it all in the past and move into the future. I can not fix the broken past. I can only trust and leave it in God's hands. If and when there is something I can do or say to facilitate the healing , He will let me know. I am sure I will be amazed at what He does.
The future however needs to be about learning to communicate in a confrontational situation in a way that is effective and reflects the will of God. The will of God is a different perspective than those in the confrontation. He has a bigger picture in mind. We can't fix broken past but when we are shown it we need to not perpetuate it in our future. We need to let ourselves come to a healed place in God. We do not have to fear or stand cowardly in confrontation any longer. We have the Holy Spirit to council us and walk through any situation with us.
I recognize that from this moment forward that I must stand for what is righteousness in every situation. The goal is no longer defend myself as a reactions to my fear. I am not hear to have victory over an enemy see. The enemy is spiritual wickedness in high places. That is a different battle. I am bringing light to the darkness.
i am still in process of learning more communication skills, especially those needed during confrontation. That is part of my healing . I do have more peace inside now to move forward in the matters of eternal and heavenly consequences.