My best weapon in times of doubt, which is probably a truer word for my thoughts right now, Is take captive those thoughts and kill them with the truth. My father God loves and cares for me with an eagle eye , not a distant glance occasionally. I have begun to recount in detail to myself all the things He has stepped into my life to do. Amazing how that changes everything about my perspective and I can breath again.
The story that moves me the most is when my four children were young before number 5 came along. My husband had lost his job and was having trouble finding another. We sold most of our furniture to buy food. When that food was gone and it was dinner time I had to try to explain to my kids why we had no food.
I remembered then about a missionary who spoke about a group of people who were cut off from supplies because of an avalanche. When they were rescued the people who did not believe and pray were suffering from starvation and exposure. The people who prayed were miraculously well.
I decided what worked for them could work for me. We had the same God. I put a sheet on the floor of the kitchen, sat my children down. I told them that we were going to pray that God would bring us food and if it didn't come that He meant for us to fast that day and He would take care of us.
About 10 seconds after the Amen there was a knock on the door. There stood a woman I never met before crying. She asked do you need food?. We were both crying when I said yes. She began to bring in bags of groceries. In these bags were everything from meat, veggies, cookies and popsicles.
She began to tell me , when she drove by my house on her way to work the Lord told her to go by us groceries. She tried to rationalize the thoughts all day. " I don't know these people". I don't know if they need food". It didn't work. The mandate hound dogged her all day. She left work early and went to the grocery store and put things in her basket as she felt led until it was overflowing. The Lord then led her back to my door.
If this doesn't get me to trust in God for provision, I am not sure what could. Breathing easier today.